I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
