Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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