Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
