one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Did I show you my penis last night?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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