he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
