If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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