On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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