Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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