Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
