doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
