Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
