i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
