I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
