i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
