did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
