An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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