Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
