Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
