i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
