I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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