John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize