Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
