hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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