happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize