my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
