No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
