There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize