I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
