yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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