I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
