booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
