I just pynch a tree in the face
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
