She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Randomize
