It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Randomize
