I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
