You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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