Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
