this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
