so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Damn victory sex feels great
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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