It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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