im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
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