im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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