saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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