fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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