Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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