There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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