We're facebook friends in real life
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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