ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just took my morning after pill in the library
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
