i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
