I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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