i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
