Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
