Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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