i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
