And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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