hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize