Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
