Reggie can tackle my bush.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
