We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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