Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
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