Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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