I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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