i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
