8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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