if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
sarcasm needs its own font
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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