Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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