Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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