walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Of course I have a pirate flag
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
My bed smells like the plague
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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