glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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