I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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