I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She even gives head with a lisp.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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