She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
