This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
