I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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