well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
